Relationships

Love your Mum…

As we all get older and journey through our adult lives, we might find that our contact with our family dwindles. Sometimes, building our own family, balancing a life and career as well as keep on top form regarding our own personal romances or duties can make us simply forget those we love. This isn’t due to any form of incompetency, or even maliciousness, it’s simply what happens when we have so much to think about in one day that there aren’t enough hours to fit it all in. You might find that your relationship to one of your parents might have fallen off in recent years. It’s up to you as a child to rekindle it.

Remember, we all owe our parents much. They taught us the framework for how we operate in the world now, and they kept us safe and fed as children. As such, it’s only right that we make use of our own personal ability to maintain our relationship. This guide will focus on the mother’s of our lives. Mothers bring us into the world, shower us with maternal affection and love, and think about us often. These tips will help you keep them as a prominent force in your life, and help them feel loved, cherished and desired, which they of course always are.

Spend time together

Your most valuable resource in any field of life is your time, and so choosing to spend it with your mother will no doubt help her feel desired and loved. You don’t need to plan anything significant around it, or even leave your or her home. Sometimes, grabbing a cup of tea and cakes from the local cafe is enough.

Sometimes, inviting them to a simple walk around the shops is enough. Spending the time is key, no matter if you simply sit on the sofa and watch a bad television movie together. It will never escape her that you are making the effort, and she will love you for it, especially when ageing. If you can, make sure that you organise any siblings you have around meeting your mother as well, because she will desire more than anything to see you all in the same place and doing well by one another.

Treat her

Sometimes the only way we can truly show our appreciation is by purchasing our parent gifts that show how much we truly care. It doesn’t matter what form of gift you buy, but purchasing it from a classy retailer such as cuckooland can help you find the most suitable items within a certain theme, and can help you provide that ‘wow factor’ with unique items that might not be found in your local shopping mall. It shows you have gone the extra mile to source something quirky that you believe she will enjoy.

Listen to her

Your mother is your mother, and she always will be. As such, she will probably either voice advice often or at least want to. This might seem annoying or unwarranted sometimes, but it’s most likely never done out of maliciousness. It’s simply the maternal urge that she will never lose, and you will no doubt relate to this if you have children of your own. In this case, listening to her will at least help her feel like you take her words with significance, even if you don’t act on them.

Keeping on top of these tips will help you nurture the relationship to your mother throughout all of your adulthood, and it will stay strong as you both age.

A match made in Heaven starts on an equal footing

Relationships are best on a level playing field. While the man was once in control, the same can’t be said in the modern day. This is good, of course, and a sure sign that the role of women is improving. But, it does lead to confusion where dating is concerned. As this is still new, both you and your potential partners may find it difficult to get things off the ground in the right way. And, that’s an obvious setback when the start of a relationship has a significant impact on how things progress.

A Match Made In Heaven Starts On An Equal Footing

A look back to the not so distant future is all it takes to see how much dating has changed. A ‘traditional’ man would make the decisions, pay the bills, and open the car door for his lovely lady. Now though, few women look for those qualities. In fact, most would get irritated by a man taking control that way.

But, let’s give the guys a break. Often, they fall back on these tried and tested methods due to uncertainty. Many men are torn between being chivalrous, and not wanting to offend their date. As such, it’s more important than ever for women to set the tone. We’re the ones who have experienced the main change. As such, it’s down to us to lay the ground rules.

First, it’s important to consider what you’re after. If you want the wined and dined experience, that’s fine. The power is still with you because you’ve made that decision. For the majority of us, though, that no longer appeals. Think about how your dream date would go. Then, set about making it happen.

Your new role starts during the planning stages. While the man was once responsible for choosing what you did on your first dates, that’s no longer the case. Now, you both have an equal responsibility. If you throw in some date suggestions, your man will see straight away that you don’t want him to take charge. Of course, many of us aren’t used to deciding on date locations. If that’s the case, let him pick the first date. This will give you a good idea of what he enjoys, and leave you in a better position moving forward. Then, take a look at something like these second date ideas to inspire you when your turn comes around. Think, too, about anything he mentioned during the first date. Any knowledge about what he enjoys will help.

The other thing that most confuses dating is who pays. Men are no longer obliged to pay the bill, and nor should they be. It’s an outdated concept which suggests women can’t pay their way. Not the case! But, some men still offer to pay through fear of offending. Make things clear to him by reaching for your purse when the bill comes. Paying for your half will show him that you’re strong, independent, and able to stand on your own two feet. What man doesn’t want a woman like that?

Bloom the green fingered date night from Just Us Box

Bloom was our latest date night from Just Us Box. This months box was inspired by the British garden during the spring when all the flowers are at full bloom, bursting with beautiful colours and scents.

I was super excited about this box as I had seen little clues over on their Instagram, little terrariums, plants and flowers. I couldn’t wait to open up the box and find out what was inside.

What’s in the box?

Date Night From Just Us BoxI found another box packed full of exciting things, soil, mosses, gravel, stones, activation charcoal, two of the cutest little terrariums, mini succulents all for making the perfect little terrarium. There was also a wild flower vase, pendants, a flower press, flowering jasmine tea, and a jar of little bits to add to your terrarium.

Date Night From Just Us Box

Our Bloom date night.

The date night for us started as always with a large glass of wine and a yummy meal. We then opened up the box and got started building our own little terrariums. Making sure we followed the instructions, adding the gravel, then the sphagnum moss, followed by charcoal and soil. Then the fun part of planting the cutest little succulent plants and adding any little extras to make it all look pretty.

Date-Night-From-Just-Us-BoxIt was really quite tricky to plant the succulents into the soil, after adding the soil, moss, gravel there wasn’t to much space to get the plants in along with fingers to actually plant them. All part of the green fingered experience though I guess. After they were planted and had lost of couple of leaves we added in the stones and pillow moss to make it come to life. We were both really impressed with what we had achieved.

We didn’t make the little clay items to go into them because by this time I was just so in love with my mini terrarium I didn’t want to add anything else to it.

Date-Night-From-Just-Us-Box

I remember pressing flowers as a child with my Mum, using books then forgetting they were there and finding them months later perfectly pressed. Anyway we didn’t press any flowers during our date as I hadn’t ready the date night book before hand and seen that they needed to done before the date. So we have said that we shall press some flowers with our little girl when the summer flowers come out in bloom.

Looking through the box I spotted little gold packages of fortune cookies. Wondering what our futures hold, we opened them up, to find flower bulbs. Slightly disappointed to not find our fortunes, I was keen to see what these little things would do. Boiling the kettle, filling up our tea-cups and dropped the bulb inside. Then watching this bulb slowly open up to reveal a beautiful floral arrangement floating in the Jasmine tea.

I loved our Bloom date night box

For me this date night so far has been one of my most favourites. There was something a little bit different with this one, we learnt a new skill for planting mini succulents and really enjoyed it. In fact I enjoyed it so much that I am on the look out for a beautiful much larger terrarium to plant up and design. It is so much fun having these date night boxes delivered to us each month, we are able to enjoy some quality time together and do something a bit different.

*Thank you Just Us Box for sending me out this fabulous date night box to review. I cannot wait to see what arrived in the post next month. As always thoughts and opinions are my own.*

 

Loosing my Mum to cancer…… 5 years later

cancer

Today is the 5th Anniversary of my wonderful Mum passing away. I thought I would share my story with you all…

How life changes in a few little words…

The 8th March 2012 was a day my life changed, everything seemed to stop. This was the day we were told that my Mum had cancer. As a close family of 4 we cried, planned, prayed and hoped for 24 hours until we were told by the consultant that the cancer was terminal. How is that even possible?? My Mum……… My MUM!!!!!

By now my beloved Mum was very poorly and just wanted to be at home. Having been in hospital for around 8 weeks we were told she had Diverticulitis then Crohns disease, seeing a diet specialist……. how wrong they were!!

I’m still angry at the hospital for not finding out earlier, she been in hospital a few times between the October and March and yet it still took them so long to diagnose her!! In fact 5 years on I have so much hatred for what the hospital put us through. With all of the tests, scans and cameras they used on her how could they not see it was cancer?

5 days after we got the ‘I’m sorry it’s terminal’ we got Mum home. She had decided that she did not want to be prodded and poked by the hospitals anymore. So she would not have more tests or any treatment. It was believed that Mum had secondary bowel cancer and we had been told the primary cancer was likely to have been lung cancer. Not that Mum had any symptoms you would believe for lung cancer. No cough, no coughing up blood, no chest pains or shortness of breath.

The next couple of weeks at home we met the wonderful Macmillian team and the Nurses and Carers from the local hospice.

Mini Bucket list

We made plans as a family. A mini bucket list. Horse racing, sea-side trips, family weekends away. My cousins wedding was 6 months away. My Mum was amazingly proud of her niece and very close to her, it was one of her goals to make it to her wedding, though it was not to be…

In fact over the next couple of weeks Mum went down hill fast. We made it to the point to point horse racing. But that tired Mum out so much we were then unable to do any of the other things we had planned. It is one of the many reasons I’m still angry with the hospital. If only they had diagnosed earlier we would have been able make lots more happy family memories and completed these few things Mum wanted and lots more. Even if the outcome was to be the same.

Soon we changed the house around, setting up a hospital bed in the living room. With either my Dad, sister or me with Mum at all times. Mum wanted to be at home with us, she didn’t want to be in hospital or a hospice and we didn’t want that for her. We wanted her at home, with all of our family memories around her. My amazing Dad became her carer along with the brilliant nurses and carers from the local hospice, Macmillian Nurses,  Marie Curie Nurses,  and my sister and me as much as possible.

My little boy was my Mum’s pride and joy. She had cared for him while I worked, from him being 7 months old. He loved her and they had such a close bond. On Mum’s poorliest of days whenever he visited (which was as much as possible) her face would light up even when she could no longer talk.

6 weeks to the day of being told Mum had terminal cancer she passed away at home, with my Dad and sister at her side. I couldn’t be there as the Hubby was working nights so I had to be at home with my son. I took the phone call at 03:05 and just knew she had gone. My heart broke. I cannot even begin to explain how I felt getting that phone call in the middle of the night. My life just seemed to stop.

Yes she was very very poorly. Yes she was in pain and I understand she no longer had a good quality of life. No, I did not want her to suffer, but still it was my Mum. A constant in my life. An amazing inspirational lady who never asked for anything. Who did everything she could to help others, she lived for our family, my Dad, her girls and of course my little boy.

Suddenly taken away, how can that be fair? Why her? Why my Mum?

Life goes on….

I couldn’t understand how this event for our family was life changing. Yet everyone else’s life just carried on as normal, going to work, school, shopping. Yet, here we were. Lives seeming to fall apart, the person at the centre of our family gone. How could we carry on? How would my Dad cope on his own, married for 30 years, to a woman who did everything for him.

As the days passed in a blur of sorting things out. I never knew there was so much to sort out when a person dies. On the lead up to the funeral people seemed to care asking how we all are, how my Dad and Sister were doing, but this stopped shortly after the funeral. As though we would all be ok…

No. It was not ok. Yes, we all returned to work. Yes, we all tried not to break down in tears. Yes we carried on, but for me on the inside I was breaking. Trying to be the best Mummy to my 2 year old and help him understand that we could no longer see Nanny. Explain that she was now a star in Heaven.

People kept saying time is a great healer. I think this is true, we got on with life, the tears slowed down but there was an ever present empty space in our lives. Even now I still want to phone my Mum up for advice only a Mum could give. I want her to see her wonderful grandchildren grow up.

Each year we spend the 20th of April together as a family. We often talk about Mum, now with less tears but just as much emotion. Mum was taken away from us far to soon, we will always remember my wonderful Mum. I still talk to her photos now. Mum will always be with us and we will share her memory with her Grandchildren, so they know lots about her.

My Mum always said that when a Robin visits, it is a loved one coming to make sure everything is ok. I have a lovely Robin who often visits my Garden. I always think of him as my Mum coming to say hi.

Have you struggled to deal with the loss of a parent? Did you find some support? I was luckily to have my wonderful Hubby, family and friends around me, I’m not sure how I would have done it on my own.

 

*My Mum loved flowers and the garden, hence these beautiful images*